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Hand of Hope Pregnancy Resource Center is a place that changed the direction of my life, forever. I was a junior in high school, 17 years of age, when I found myself in the bathroom starring down at a positive pregnancy test. I couldn’t believe it, I took another test, and then another, all positive. I was very shaken, to the core, with no idea what to do next. My boyfriend was extremely supportive from the very beginning, but we were still teenagers with no clue of what raising a child might look like. That is when a friend told us about Hand of Hope Pregnancy Resource Center. Hand of Hope is a place where mothers of unexpected pregnancies receive counseling, guidance, and help with providing supplies for the baby. The most important aspect of the Pregnancy Center wasn’t all of the things that I just listed though, it was the fact that these volunteers shared with every woman, or couple, that they encountered the gospel of Christ. When I first walked into Hand of Hope I expected to be judged for the position that I found myself in, but instead I was embraced, and loved. Little did I know then, how much walking into those doors would still be impacting my life four years later.

            As my boyfriend and I attended Hand of Hope the volunteer counselors taught us what to expect with our new baby, how to parent biblically, they counseled us in our relationship with each other, and they shared the gospel with us. My boyfriend and I were both already saved (though clearly living in sin at the time), so they helped us sort through the guilt and shame that came from our sin while reassuring us that our child was not a punishment, but a blessing. Ultimately they taught us how to seek God in every aspect of our lives. They walked with me and Chris (my boyfriend) every step of the way through my pregnancy and even after I had our daughter. They showed us the love of Christ at a time when we felt so far from God and his plan for our lives.

            In 2014 Chris and I were married at the courthouse in our hometown. In part, because we knew from our counseling at Hand of Hope, that the right thing to do was to get married and provide a stable home for our little girl. We loved each other dearly, and through Christ we were able to be a Godly example of love to our child. I began to pray that God would lead me to where he wanted me to be, and I felt a continuous tug on my heart to return to the pregnancy center, but this time to give back. So I set up a meeting with the director, Tonya, and we caught up on what had been going on in my life and what I felt God was calling me to do. It was then that I shared with her that I wanted to go to school and become a pregnancy center counselor.

            Tonya then shared with me that Hand of Hope knew of a scholarship opportunity to offer one four year scholarship to Regent University to a former client of a pregnancy center (out of 1,200 pregnancy centers). Tonya suggested that I apply for this scholarship so that I could be at a Christian university, which was my dream, but very unaffordable with a toddler at home. I was so excited to hear this, and slightly relieved that I could possibly receive help paying for school. At the time I kind of put the idea in the back of my mind and moved on.

            My husband and I then began praying that God would bless us with another child. Around my 20th birthday, in 2014, we found out that we were expecting! We were beyond excited at the little blessing we had received and could not wait to welcome this baby into the world. I was about nine weeks pregnant when it began, the sickness, weakness, and I just knew something wasn’t right. We rushed to the doctor to make sure everything was okay, and as she touched that cold gel to my belly, I was terrified as to what we were about to find out. I just knew that she wouldn’t be able to find the heartbeat, and I was prepared for my heart to break in two. Then I heard a loud, thump, thump, thump, thump, and the nurse, “Looks like we have a very strong heartbeat here.” My face flushed with relief. That wasn’t the end of it though. The doctor informed us that I was at risk for miscarriage and I needed to take it easy. Later that night as I laid my two year old to bed, I was greeted with what I feared was coming. Just one gush and a run to the bathroom, and I was holding my nine week baby, looking right into his eyes. There are simply no words to describe the grief and then sudden peace that I felt. My baby was with Jesus now, though I wanted him with me, he was with Jesus.

            On the way to the hospital that night I told my husband, “You know God did this for a reason, and I think that he just made it very clear to me what he wants me to do.” In the midst of the horror and grief I was feeling, all I could think about were the moms who are post abortive. The hurt and pain they must feel has to be overwhelming. I knew that through this experience God was preparing my heart to enter into the pregnancy center ministry, to be able to reach not just expectant mothers but post-abortive mothers as well. God broke my heart in order to wake me up to the reality of abortion and the enemy we are fighting.

            I was then determined to go to school and do what God was telling me to do. I began speaking for Hand of Hope at fundraising events, and volunteering at any event that I could. Tonya helped me to prepare my scholarship submission for Regent, and I began praying desperately that God would see me through this. If I would be able to attend a Christian university, it would be because God provided it. In August 2015, just one week after what would have been my due date for my second baby, Tonya called me in to her office telling me that she wanted me to shoot a video for a fundraising banquet. We began videoing while she asked me a few questions about why Hand of Hope was important to me. At the end of the video she asks me the question, “What would you say if I told you that you won the Regent scholarship?” It took a minute for me to soak in what she had just asked me, and then, “Are you serious?” seemed to be the only words that would come out of mouth. My face turned a bright pink, and my heart was pounding. “I am so serious, you won the scholarship!” Tonya said. Wow, what a blessing! I was in such shock. God surely has a way of redeeming our sorrowful moments and days. He takes our deepest hurts and pains and uses them for his glory! God blessed me immensely through this entire experience.

            This was just the beginning of this new chapter in my life. After winning the scholarship, I began speaking at churches and sharing my testimony of choosing life and receiving help from Hand of Hope. I was able to share with others God’s grace and mercy in my life. Through my child, God gave my husband and myself a second chance at life. I’ve received so many kind words, and prayers as I have begun my school and as I embrace this journey. Sharing my testimony with others truly blesses me more than people may realize. I feel honored that God chose a sinner like me to pour blessings upon and use as a voice for life in the Pro-Life movement.

            Last year I was invited to speak at Hand of Hope’s annual fundraising banquet to share my testimony with over a thousand people in attendance! Not only that, but I would also be opening for the famous quarterback, Tim Tebow’s mother, Pam. Pam became known for being Pro-Life after her Pro-Life football ad aired during a super bowl half time show several years ago. She now goes around to pregnancy resource center banquets sharing her story of choosing life for Tim, despite doctor’s advice to abort. I felt like I was dreaming, to have the chance to not only share my testimony, but to share it while opening for someone like Pam was a true blessing. She was the absolute sweetest lady I have ever met, and her words were so inspiring. After the banquet she came to me and said, “I will never forget you or your family.” I thought to myself ME? I will never forget this opportunity and getting to meet such an amazing woman.

            Sometimes I sit back and think that without my daughter, and without being directed to Hand of Hope four years ago, I wouldn’t be where I am today. I wouldn’t be the person that I am today, and I don’t even know if God would have been able to get a hold of my heart the way he has. I wouldn’t be writing this paper right now, and I would not have had any of these amazing opportunities. It makes my heart well up with joy. The goodness, and the faithfulness of God when we choose life, and through all of our experiences we choose it abundantly. You can see his goodness in every journey I have been on since walking into the doors of Hand of Hope. Before my daughter I was headed down a very bad path in life, but her life has given me new life in Christ. It changed the entire direction that my life was headed in and for that I could not be more thankful.

When she found out she was pregnant, she was terrified.  Nadya was living at a house share with 6 other strangers, with community kitchen, living space, etc.  She knew this wasn’t an environment where she could raise a baby, and she wasn’t sure she could raise a baby at all.  She came to the Women’s Center - Lebanon for an appointment.  She remembers the nurse sharing ultrasound pictures, and leading her through the process of finding care providers, and setting up health care coverage.  She was no longer covered under her parent’s insurance. 

She left that day feeling very uneasy and scared.  She did consider other options.  It was coming down to ending that life, or continuing it.  Nadya made an appointment with Planned Parenthood.  She went to the 1st of two scheduled appointments, paid her fee, and heard lots of stories from the other women in the waiting room.  She kept the next appointment, although she didn’t want to .

She found that she couldn’t sleep well the night before, when she got up in the morning, she couldn’t move.  Even though she had so much on 

her mind, and wasn’t sure how she was going to do it, she just could not go to the appointment.  She describes it as a huge weight off of her shoulders, a sigh of relief came over her. 

She continued to receive follow up calls from the Women’s Center, helping her throughout the pregnancy and offering services.  She was told everything was going to be okay, and she had much time to think things through.  She arrived at a point of understanding.  As soon as her baby was born, there was an instant connection. 

I am 21, a senior here at Missouri S&T majoring in business and I’m scheduled to graduate in December. I come from a largely catholic family and the rest of my family who is not catholic is still pro-life, so on April 4, 2016, if anyone had asked me if I were to ever consider getting an abortion I would have immediately responded with no. On April 5, if they were to ask that same question, I would have had to take a lot more time to come up with that answer and even then, I’m not sure exactly what I would have said.

That day, I took my first two pregnancy tests, both of which came back positive. After the first test, I was just hoping for a false positive, as slim as the chances were. After the second, I didn’t even cry, I couldn’t cry. My emotions basically stopped in their tracks. Maybe it was just my brain still processing it, but I didn’t know how to react to that test telling me I was pregnant and 2-3 weeks pregnant at that. I immediately contacted the man who is now the father of my children and we ended up meeting that night to talk about what had happened, where things went wrong, and where we were going to go from there. I don’t remember much about that night because I finally allowed myself to cry and feel all of my emotions, but I do remember his only suggestion and that was abortion.

The next day, I was on the internet for a long time researching planned parenthood and everything about it and trying to find out costs, but came across the Pregnancy Resource Center in a google search and after reading about free pregnancy tests and free ultrasounds, I decided to make an appointment for the following day.

I still remember vividly my first appointment at PRC with Pam. We made it through her list of questions, barely from the amount of crying I was doing on my part, and I took a pregnancy test which of course came back positive. When speaking about my options, I remember telling her there was no way I could take care of a baby. I was still in college and had so many opportunities ahead of me. This wasn’t supposed to happen to me. My parents had raised me in a manner so that I didn’t end up pregnant at 21 like my mom had been with me and here I was, pregnant at 21. Honestly, I felt like a failure in that moment. I told Pam that I don’t think I had any other choice other than abortion, and the father had also been pushing it. But it was so hard to fathom that decision because I’ve always identified with the pro-life stance and should my family ever find out I got an abortion, their reactions would be anything but good. I don’t think I’d be able to be okay with myself afterward either. And as far as adoption, I couldn’t even consider it because I know I’d be too selfish to give up a baby I gave birth to. So here I was contradicting myself, telling Pam I couldn’t take care of a baby myself, but couldn’t be okay with myself if I had an abortion, but also wouldn’t be able to consider adoption. At the end of the appointment I remember her telling me to just take the time to think about my options and wait until I can get an ultrasound with Jane to make any decisions.

After I left that day, I went home and researched abortion as thoroughly as I could, and continued to put it to the back burner anytime the father brought it up to me. Fast forward to May 11th and I had my first ultrasound appointment with Jane. It took her a very short time to find the baby, and once she had, she pointed to something up on the screen and asked me if I knew what it was. I had never seen an ultrasound that early, so I had absolutely no clue and told her that. She then proceeded to tell me it was another sac, and there was two babies, not one. At that very moment, I’m pretty sure my heart stopped, my jaw dropped to the floor, and my eyes got as big as they could. I was freaking out about just one baby, and now my worries were doubled. Her and Pam were so excited for me and told me how twins were such a blessing and told me the rest of my family was going to be so excited especially now that there are two. I was still in shock the rest of the appointment, but remember hearing the babies’ heartbeats for the first time. It was an indescribable moment for me, and I believe it was the moment I unconsciously decided I could never get an abortion. When I left that day, I was still numb, but Jane booked me for another ultrasound a week later. I continued to return a few more times to the PRC for ultrasounds, and I began getting more and more excited for each appointment to see how the twins were growing. It amazed me how quickly they were growing in such a short time. All throughout this time, Pam and Jane were so excited for me and it was reassuring to have someone excited for me because at this point they were the only people who knew about my pregnancy other than the twins’ father. Pam sent text messages checking in on me, and it was so nice having someone there for me when I felt like no one would be there. It took a long time for my parents to find out about my pregnancy because I was terrified to tell them. It was even the anger I was afraid about; it was the sheer disappointment I knew they’d have.

It wasn’t until 14 or 15 weeks until my mom found out about my pregnancy. So, to have that support from Pam and Jane up until then and even past that point was so essential for me. At my 20-week anatomy scan at Mercy, my mom, sister and I found out both twins were girls. The first people I wanted to tell after I found out was Pam and Jane, so we headed to PRC right after my appointment so I could tell them. Pam was the only one there that day, but she told me she was excited and she would share the news with Jane. 8 weeks later, I finally announced my pregnancy to the rest of my friends and family who took the news wonderfully. Everyone was so excited for me, just like Jane and Pam told me they would be. If it weren’t for PRC and the continued support I received there, there’s a good chance I would have given into pressure from the twins’ father and went to Planned Parenthood to talk about my options and rather than just being a thought it my head, abortion may have been an actual option I was considering for my pregnancy. I may have been currently having to go through therapy rather than up here talking about my wonderful experience with PRC.

On November 4th I gave birth to my perfect baby girls, Izabella and Brielle. I was in love from the moment I laid eyes on both of them. The girls recently turned 4 months old and are growing quicker than I can keep up with. They are such a blessing to my life, and bring so much joy to myself and the rest of my family. I thank God often for my girls and for PRC who saved me and my pregnancy.